Day 187

July 05, 2016

Hye! I need to get something out of my head and probably my chest too. These are my rants. So --

Lowkey wanna go somewhere alone or maybe with one of my closest friends. Perhaps it would be Nina or K. I know it's not fair to include K here because man, I've only known him like real close for some months and ( I have some other best friends and more importantly; GIRLS which I can drag along haha). 

Well, it's not like I have shared with him almost everything about me but somehow, he's the best friend I could have to certain extent, I could never see him as my future partner. But lol your spouse should be your best friend ain't it? (AND LOL ONCE AGAIN I'M ONLY 19 AND STUDY PON TAK HABIS LAGI HAHHAHAHAHHA) But yeah, if it's meant to be who am I to question it? Ooo shit I sound like I've actually fallen in love but trust me, I am not. You might/can say that I am in denial but listen to me very carefully, I AM NOT and I'm saying this with full consciousness. I admit that sometimes I like to joke about my future (+ him) with my friends but deep down in my heart those are merely jokes because I'm not all comfortable with those too. Also, the amount of shippers of us two are annoyingly increasing lolz. I don't know what to feel to be honest. One thing I can assure is; I'd not fall in love for the time being be it with K or anyone else.

But then, who knows that we're actually gonna be a thing one fine day? Not that I have hopes for that but really who knows right. I know some girls (grown up and ready to marry) who actually have guy best friend(s) didn't actually become a thing because they never could see their best friend as their "teman hidup". Come on, not every boy-girl-bestfriends are supposed to end up together. We don't share everything though and I think it's quite early to consider him as my best friend considering we're only closed for some times and we don't understand each other enough yet. For some people, they say I'm falling. Obviously I disagree because who knows myself better than I am? To admit that I am and let them win, that's plain bullshit and lie. Just because they assume I am then I have to clarify and agree with that lah? Please la people, I'm not lying. 

So back to my wish of escapism.

I just wanna go somewhere where I don't have to deal with shit and some people. Only people that I want to drag ja I nak deal. You know lol everywhere you go you mesti gak kena deal with people en but I mean new people, they don't know us. 

I just wanna go somewhere and only be back after hmm at least 4 months. The longer the better! I just need a break from this life. So much toxic going around. I'm tired. Sungguhku letih dan penat. Despite all those things, you can say that I'm young and tak habis hidup lagi but lol just because I'm young does not mean I haven't went through a lot. I choose not to dwell and show so yeah hope that explains and you would get the gist of this post. Take care of your health. Especially your mental health.  

Congratulations for finishing reading this post! Sorry for taking your time xx

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